Standing By:

The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War

 

STANDING BY is "a funny, deeply moving, and ultimately breathtaking book.  Any husband or wife will draw inspiration and wisdom from this extraordinary story." –

Andrew Carroll,

author of WAR LETTERS and

BEHIND THE LINES

Q and A with Alison Buckholtz

















Why did you write “Homecoming Day/Anthem of the Military Child”?


One of my goals in writing my book, Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War, was to show readers the human side of deployment. I did this by describing our own family’s day-to-day life during my husband’s deployment on an aircraft carrier, and I discuss my children’s distress and their subsequent emotional growth.  But I wanted to come up with a more immediate way to get across what military children are expected to handle – and do handle, with tremendous bravery and resilience.  I believe in the power of words, but pictures and music reach people on a different level entirely.  And approaching this topic on a visceral level had appeal since the experience of military kids is so visceral.  Children’s emotions are naked: they don’t shy away from vulnerability and they can’t hide their joy.  These pictures show that.


Are all homecomings happy?


I found it interesting that some of the homecoming pictures illustrate deeper levels of emotion.  A couple are almost somber, and others show children’s anxiety. As one military spouse who contributed photos wrote, “I like [these photos] because they show the apprehension that the children have when their parents return after deployment.  Sometimes I grow weary of the endless ‘happy’ homecoming pictures, although I was more than elated to have my husband return.  As you know, there are so many layers to any given deployment.”  Her photos showed her husband returning from his second tour in Iraq, and their daughter was only 16 months old. Naturally, she experienced homecoming on a different level than an older child would, and this showed on her face. The expressions of servicemembers meeting babies for the first time, and greeting very young children, seem more serious – perhaps because they understand how much they’ve missed. I tried to capture all the facets of homecoming, both in the lyrics and in the photos.


Why did you set the song to the tune of the Star Spangled Banner, our national anthem, and call it the Anthem of the Military Child?


In military communities, the Star Spangled Banner is played over and over – at movie theaters, ceremonies, homecomings and many other events.  The words of the national anthem are hard for children to understand, though the themes themselves might resonate with them – after all, it’s about pride, appreciation, and a sense of the greater good.  It seemed appropriate to set “Homecoming Day” to the tune of the national anthem partly as a sign of respect, and partly so that military children would have their own anthem, expressing very basic emotions that link to the military context.  It’s also an acknowledgement that children are an important part of the military family, and that their sacrifices deserve to be recognized by others.


Do homecomings have a particular meaning for you?


Military spouses and children begin counting down to homecoming from the day the deployed servicemember leaves home.  Therefore, homecomings achieve a mythology all their own – they are imagined and re-imagined incessantly. Many military units ask their spouses to attend pre-homecoming briefings, before the unit returns, so that there are realistic expectations in place.  After all, problems that existed prior to deployment don’t disappear after the servicemember returns home.  Servicemembers undergo extensive pre-homecoming briefs before they return as well, to ease the adjustment process.  For us, though, homecomings are pure joy.  In fact, many people have asked me what is positive about deployment, and I can only think of one answer: homecoming.  That’s why I focused here on the moment of reunion between parent and child.


There's another, very different aspect of these photos that I find moving. As one retired servicemember pointed out to me, homecomings of military units have not always been recorded, much less celebrated.  This retiree, who had been a Navy photographer during the Vietnam War, wrote "We did not take pictures of returning service personnel, because during our term of service, 1964 to 1970, we all returned individually and quietly. At that time I vowed to never let that happen again.  I am very proud to see service personnel celebrated on their return from active duty." His words reminded me that members of the Armed Forces  in the recent past paid a steep price for their service, and received little or no appreciation. I hope that regardless of the way international conflicts play out in public, servicemembers are never again treated with such disregard.


What do you hope the Month of the Military Child achieves?


I hope that the Month of the Military Child is an opportunity for people to understand and appreciate the very personal sacrifice that military children make. After all, they are required to give up, for months at a time, the most precious and important bond children have: the relationship with one of their parents.  Of course, deployment is an opportunity to build on the relationship as well, and certainly letters, videos and tapes are a way to stay close during time away.  But children crave stability and the sense of safety that parents provide, and it has always pained me to see the different ways that children suffer when a parent deploys.  I wish the Month of the Military Child could last as long as deployments last.

 

Homecoming Day Video